Smile

No deed have I done, O my God, to merit beholding Thy face, and I know of a certainty that were I to live as long as the world lasts I would fail to accomplish any deed such as to deserve this favour, inasmuch as the station of a servant shall ever fall short of access to Thy holy precincts, unless Thy bounty should reach me and Thy tender mercy pervade me and Thy loving-kindness encompass me.

(The Bab, Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 191)

He has such
a beautiful smile. 
Why does he hurt me so?
My heart is weary
and my children are crying
And I can't let him go.

I should be grateful.
My neck is not stretched 
like the neck of my mother
as she hung from 
the rope.
He did not sell
my children.
My heart breaks 
when they cry for me at night
and I am with Him.
But my babies are mine,
within the reach of
my embrace,
touched by
my love.
God has been good to me,
He has been good to me,
and I should be grateful.

My mind could have been as strong
as fast
as beautiful
as questing
as informed
as His.
Where were my teachers?
tutors?
mentors?
My grand library?
My audience of captive souls?
I am a captive soul. 
No!
I am a captive body.
My soul is free 
and Jesus loves me.

He cut up my Bible!
My sacred Book,
My Love,
My Help,
My Guide,
He cut it to pieces!
How dare he???
God is vengeful,
Where is his fear?
We defied God,
We worshipped many gods,
And God 
ripped us
from our homes
and brought us to this
Land of Tears
to learn to love
Him. 
Where is God's 
punishment for this man's arrogance?
And what do I read for Scripture now?
The book was never truly mine.
I am not truly mine.
I am His.



Last night

when He touched me

my mind was miles away

in Africa.

I stalked a lion

and shot him

with a big gun.

I cut open his belly,

poured his warm,

soft, silken, entrails

out upon the earth.

And when He came

I kissed his fur

and smiled.

--Sally

Indeed shouldst Thou desire to confer blessing upon a servant Thou wouldst blot out from the realm of his heart every mention or disposition except Thine Own mention; and shouldst Thou ordain evil for a servant by reason of that which his hands have unjustly wrought before Thy face, Thou wouldst test him with the benefits of this world and of the next that he might become preoccupied therewith and forget Thy remembrance.
(The Bab, Selections from the Writings of the Bab, p. 191)